Help I'm A Fish !
by Viceroy
Summary: X's Christmas is turned upside down. Nobody can sleep on X-mas eve , but is leaving Bass to his own devices reall a good idea?
1. Help I'm a Fish

HELP I'M A FISH !!!!!

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a peaceful December morning at the hunter HQ.

Alone in his room, X awoke as the first rays of the sun danced across his face. Grumbling about the solar interference, he pulled the blind down and went back to sleep for several more hours.

Several hours later, X then decided to actually get up and face the day....or what remained of it.

"Hnmmmm..ahhh" he yawned, getting up out of bed and making his way to the kitchenette.

As he was pouring himself a glass of orange juice , he glanced over at the calender hanging on the wall.

"Ahh Christmas , only three more days I can hardly wait." he sighed, thinking of how quiet it would be here with all the other hunters gone for the holiday. No training, no meetings, no fighting crazed Mav's...just peace and.. 

"SHIT!!" X cried , shaking his leg which was now soaking with the orange juice he had forgot he'd been pouring.

"Ah...geez..."

"Hey X !.." A voice called.

"In here Douglas..." 

A reploid in green armor dashed in "X..guess wh...yeesh...what happened to you?" he asked taking in the others soaked pants. "Have a little accident in bed?"

X glared up at him, "You had something to show me?" he replied.

"Oh ya, check this out.." he held up a picture for X to see.

X eyes widened as a grinned swept his face, "OH man Douglas...it's perfect. Heh heh heh....boy is Zero ever gonna be surprised."

"I'll say, but we better hurry, or we'll never make the evening edition." Douglas shouted running out the door. 

"I'm right behind you " X called out following his friend to the door.

  
  
  
  


********************************

  
  


"Hello" Dr. Cain answered one of the many phones in his office.

"Daddy!" a woman's voice cried.

"Pumpkin!" Dr. Cain replied just as enthusiastically. " How are you sweety?"

"I'm great Daddy and guess what...."

  
  


RING RING

  
  


"Hold on honey.." Cain said, grabbing another phone. "Hello, hunter HQ"

"Hello Cain...it's Dr. Light"

"Dr. Light..!"

  
  


RING RING.

  
  
  
  


"Oh just a sec.....Hello, hunter HQ"

"Hello, Miss I'm With Windows R us with a special Christmas offer for..."

"I Not a Miss, you fool..!"

  
  


RING RING

  
  


"Oh not now..hold on...Hello, Dr. Cain speaking.."

"Greetings vile human scum, It is I Sigma,....your doom. At noon on Christmas day all in the Hunter HQ shall perish in.........?...Hello.....Hello?....oh can you believe that...he put me on hold"

  
  


RING RING

  
  


RING

  
  


RING Ring

  
  


"Oh" Cain sighed grabbing a receiver and taking the hold button off. "Sorry about that, Light. Is it really you.? I mean....your supposed to be dead?

"What...Daddy!..." 

  
  


Beep beep

  
  


"Hold on..." Cain hit the hold button on the other phone, "Look, Sigma if you threaten us again, I'll send the entire Hunter collective out after you, right to you door to kick your ass..got it"

"So does that mean you don't want the window miss?"

"AHH Your not Sigma !!"

"Does he want the window deal?"

"NO!"

Are you sure?"

"Ahhh "

  
  


Click. 

Cain flung the phone down, "actually I wish it was Sigma, he's easier to deal with." he grabbed another receiver, "Hello, sorry there Pumpkin, but I gotta go ok? I'll talk with you later honey, bye bye..Daddy loves you"

  
  


CLICK

(AT Sigmas Fortress)

  
  


Sigmas is something wrong?" Vile asked coming up from behind him.

Sigmas hung the phone up. "Sniff...Daddy loves me!" he cried hugging his bucket wearing companion.

  
  


(Back to Cain's office)

  
  


Cain gabbed the final phone "Hello?"

"Dad....finally...I just wanted to tell you that..."

"Oh I see" Cain said , his brows raising "oh..un huh...ok...bye bye honey.." He hung the phone up giving a heavy sigh. He was defiantly gonna need some help in this matter. He rang a buzzer on the side of his desk and a moment later a young reploid stood outside his door. "You called sir?"

"Yes.." he replied rubbing his eyes "Get me Zero, and X I need to talk with them immediately.

  
  
  
  


*********************************************

  
  


"HA ha ha ...oh man...I can't believe you two did that!" Alia, laughed as the group sat together at one of the many tables in the crowed cafeteria. X and Douglas elbowed each other in the ribs for a job well done as they ate their dinner. All around them, fellow hunters were reading the evening edition of the hunter HQ chronicle, as bursting into fit's of laughter . Their little joke was in full swing.

"I..know.." X giggled. "But man I can't wait to see the look on Zero's face !!"

  
  


THWAM!!!!

  
  


The room went silent as the doors were thrown open.

"Alright who did this!!" Zero roared storming into the cafeteria, waving about a copy of the HQ paper, there on the front page, in bold letters for all to see was the heading:

Zero 's False Locks The truth about his Brun to Blonde switch. 

The crimson hunter eyed the crowd dangerously. "I'll kill whoever wrote this!!!"

"Hey X" Iris commented "I think you should open your eyes if you wanna see the look on Zero's face

"Heh heh" X glanced uneasily at Douglas. "Come on we'd better wash the ink off fast" he hissed as they started to the door.

  
  


"X!!!!!" Zero snarled.

"Run !!" X yelped as he and Douglas took off though the door.

"Quick this way..OOOMMPH!!" Douglas, ran smack into Cain's messenger, as he turned the corner, followed by X who collied with them both.

The three of them lay sprawled out on the floor, before the young reploid pulled himself up and announced with as much dignity as was granted to him, that both X and Zero were requested to come to Cain's office at one.

"X !" Zero came around the corner, halting mere inches from the young reploid's face. "Commander Zero,.....You and Commander X are need in Cain's office ..."with that the repliod staggered off.

"Zero watched the boy go, before turning to X and Douglas with murder in his eyes.

"Um...Right to Cain's !!" X cried running to the office.

"Humph.." Zero grumbled, stalking past Douglas as he followed, he would have to clobber them later.

  
  


****************************************************

  
  
  
  


"Zero please calm down" Cain said "And stop pacing, really what is so upsetting to get to you like this"

Zero turned to glare at him " You saw the paper !"

"Yes"

"That is what's getting to me !! How dare anybody even think that I'm a fake .. I don't dye my hair, I'm a real blonde !!!!

Cain sighed he had called them here to discuss important matters at hand, but a certain crimson hunter was not to be quieted until he had his say.

"Zero don't you think your acting a bit stupid over a joke?" Cain asked.

But Doc, he's not acting......he's blonde........he really is that stupid!!" X cut in.

Zero, turned to X. "Thanks X... I'll handle it from here"

"But.."

"Out"

"Bu.."

OUT!"

"Ok.." X huffed heading for the door.

"Hold on you two I called you here for a reason." Cain interrupted the bickering pair.

"Go on.." Zero said. leaning against the door frame.

"Well it appears, that this Christmas ...the hunter HQ will be holding the annual Christmas play I need your help to get things ready.

Zero scoffed "Is that all....You want us to help with some crappy Christmas play...man I thought it would be something important"

" The play is very important Zero" Cain assured him. "Every year the money raised goes to help out those less fortunate."

"Uh huh" Zero shrugged "Alright is that it then..?"

"NO" Cain said " I also wanted to inform you of our guests, that will be arriving for Christmas"

"Guests?" X asked

"At the HQ..?" Zero stated "Who would be visiting here ...at Christmas ?"

"Well.." Cain answered "Aside from my daughter . I got a call from Dr. Light. X , your family is coming for a visit .

"Wha...?" X blinked "But....aren't they.....dead?....how..?"

"Hey it's a plot hole...deal with it" Cain shrugged .

Zero, snickered "I hope got your family a gift there X,"

"When Zero,....their supposed to be dead !" 

"OH, and Zero.. Your brother Bass will be coming alone with them."

"WHAT!!" Zero gasped.

"Oi" X smacked his head.

  
  


"Come on X," Zero said cheerfully , he had apparently forgotten X's joke, as they left Cain's office. "You'd better get some rest, I guess we gotta go shopping tomorrow.

"Shopping two days before Christmas .....your crazy.." X groaned

"Oh come on X" Zero grinned " oh Jingle bells, Sigma smells, I bet Va va is a hag..."

X sighed so much for that peaceful holiday.

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued ....................

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. X marks the Spot

  
  


Hints at mild slash !

MAJOR BLONDE BASHING !!!! 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Help I'm A Fish !!!!!...........part 2

  
  


It was late the next morning when Zero, finally got up, and started his day. After several hours in the bathroom, he began to make his way over to X's.

  
  


THAM!!

Zero turned as he heard a door slammed as hard as it could be shut. A young woman, about early thirties was walking out of X's room. 

"Excuse me Miss.." Zero started.

The woman turned and screamed a blue streak at Zero that caused the red hunter to blush.

Zero stood dumbfounded watching her walk away. "I don't like her" he finally decided.

X's door slowly opened, and the blue armored robot walked out rubbing his hips , a grimace on his face.

"Oh hi Zero" X groaned by way of greeting. Zero raised an eyebrow at his friends current state.

"Dare I ask?"

"She tried to take off my pants.." X blushed., as he rubbed his legs.

Zero's brows furrowed "...your not wearing pants"

"I know that!!" X growled. He and all the other robot's technically didn't wear pant's , his blue boots and leggings were his legs. One couldn't take them off. Unless you removed his leg.

"She seemed a little upset" Zero shrugged .

"She was" X commented dryly. " you should have seen her face when she realized that I had no........um .......extra features " X ducked his head down. Zero let a quick laugh out, as he and X started for the training room.

"Ya know I always wondered why they never gave us a....you know.....down there. I mean it's like they made us bloody Ken and Barbie dolls. Wonderfully detailed face and body, then they get below the belt they just sorta la la la . As long as the legs work that's fine.

"Zero. I really don't wanna have this discussion." X sighed grabbing a towel and walking into the showers.

"I'm serious... don't you find it a little creepy to have nothing there?"

"Well maybe.."

Wouldn't you like to have a. whopping big..."

"Zero!!!"

"It'd certainly be a lot more interesting around here" Zero smirked eyeing the other hunters in the shower. 

"Aggghhh , Zero , your grossing me out!!" X cried flinging the towel around him and going to his locker. 

"Ok ok, but you know to be politically correct your not actually Mega man....your Mega it" Zero grinned walking beside him to their lockers.

"Will you shut up!!" X snapped, his nerves were starting to fray.

"No" Zero laughed hopping up on to the bench. "And let's see there's Proto-it , your brother. But not really your brother more like a gender non specific relation."

"Zero please knock it off" X rubbed his temples in a vain attempt to stop the head ache he could feel starting.

" and Flash it and Metal it...and Clown it. Woah! That one has a chilling eeriness to it. Like some creepy storyteller would write a story about an evil clown and call it...well......It" 

"Shut up, shut up, shut up !!!!X put his hands over his ears, and began to yell "I'm not listening...la la la la la ....I can't hear you...la la la la la . Somebody give me a gag anything... a....a sock even. Pleeeeeaaassssseee!!!!"

Zero jumped down from the bench " That's it!!!"

"What?" X took his hands from his ears.

"That's how you got your name!!! X!!!" Zero beamed " you know, your not a boy , and your not a girl. No gender at all so they named you X!!" 

"And it's apparent how you got your name !" X said through clenched teeth. 

"How?" 

"Obviously from the score of your I.Q. test !!" X , started back down the hall,

"Oh that was cold X.............................Wait I got it. !!" Zero took off after him. " You're a porn bot, and your names just an abbreviation for XXX.!!! oh ya!!!, come're you hunk a bot!!!" Zero cried slapping X on the butt.

The blue hunter froze for a moment before turning to his blonde companion "Ok Zero, despite what you think, butt slapping still hasn't caught on as an acceptable male greeting"

"But that's the joy of it X...we're not males ha ha " Zero laughed

"Zero, Arrrghghgghghghhgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! X took off down the hall, the crazy red robot trailing after.

"Come on X, sing with me...

I'm an AI

an artificial guy, 

you know I'll fail ya

ain't got no genitalia...."

"Zero shut up!" X screamed.

  
  


"I've got plastic hair, 

and just a lump down there.

Lack of manhood, 

can't do what a man should.

  
  


"Arrghhghhhhhh!!!!!" X took off towards his room.

  
  


******************************

  
  


"You'll love it here pumpkin.." Cain said. He was in the process of showing his daughter the base, when X came racing around the corner.

"Ah X, " Cain smile, "You're just the bot I was looking for, this....?" Cain looked up as Zero rounded the corner.

"I'm a guy, and I'm shy...but I guess you know why. Cause, Capcom, what a bomb....I've been neutered...I....OH hi Doc.."

"Good morning Zero," Cain cut in, "As I was saying , this is my daughter Brady"

Hey Broadzilla !!" Zero whooped.

"Zero !!" X snapped, as Cain gave them both a look. "Um....we already met." X grimaced.

"Ain't she the bimbo that tried to bang ya? " Zero blurted.

"Oohhh" X groaned, covering his face. // Somebody kill me now !! //

"Zero !!" Cain snapped, "Watch your tongue when you are around my little angel."

Zero went to protest but the death glare X was giving him held him back.

Hmmph....ahem anyway" Cain huffed turning back to X, "I was looking to inform you that your family will be arriving in the morning."

"Oh....Ok" X nodded.

"And.." The Dr. added "I'm afraid to say we have a slight problem on our hands"

"Hmmm problem" Zero perked up.

"Yes " Cain continued " with my daughter, and your family....I'm afraid that there aren't enough rooms. You and Zero are going to have to share a room for a few days.

"WHAT!!" X cried "NO Way !!!"

"X, Zero is your friend surely it's not that bad"

"He's a slob...I....no way !!!"

"X..." Cain sighed pulling the boy over to one corner. "Why don't you wanna share a room with Zero, he's one of the greatest hunters.You can spend some quality time with him. Learn all his vast knowledge..."

Ya, well that'll kill about five minutes." X sulked.

"X.." Cain threatened. "Think of the meaningful conversations you two could have."

X looked over to where Zero, was attempting to belch the alphabet, for Brady.

"He's stupid !!" X whispered.

"He's not stupid...X... he's a blonde.." Cain reasoned. Watching as Zero flexed his muscles, jumping around before getting tangled in his pony tail and falling to the ground.

X gave the Dr. a sad look.

"Ok" Cain sighed. "He's a stupid blonde.."

"Is there any other kind?" X rolled his eyes.

"Daddy !! You didn't say anything about sharing a room." Brady cried. " I want my own room.

"Now Brady, you'll have your own bed honey" Cain said. "And Iris and Alia are very friendly."

"NO ! I want my own room. !!" She pouted.

"But the others need them dear." Cain sighed. 

"Why !...their just robots. Robots don't need beds!!" She declared. 

"Obviously humans don't need brains . They never seem to come with one" Zero spat back at her.

"Alright stop it all of you !!" Cain shouted. "Brady, Alia and Iris, will take you to your room, and show you around" he said indicating the two female reploids that had just shown up."And please be nice.." he added as she was lead away.

He turned to the remaining two. "X, Zero, I suggest that you decide who's room your staying in and get settled.

"No contest there Doc. Come on X, You're gonna love my place." Zero beamed.

"Abandon all hope ye who enter here ..." X mumbled.

  
  
  
  


****************************************************

  
  


X stood staring at the two contents of Zero's fridge. 

"..Zero..?" X gulped. "How long has that can of tuna been sitting there?"

"I dunno, about a month I guess?" The blonde boy shrugged.

"Oh my God !!!! Zero it's open !!!!...............it's green !!!!" X cried.

"So..."

"Tuna is not supposed to be green!!!" 

"Really?"

X, gave him a stare, before moving to the only other available source of food. A carton of milk.

Grabbing a glass, he tipped the carton only to have a large yellow glob of gunk fall into the glass.

"EEEEEaaaGKKKKK....Zero!!!" X shrieked "Forget Mavericks, How the hell have you survived this long without killing yourself....."

How so X..?" Zero asked.

X turned to him, holding up the carton, "This Milk has past it's expiry date.

Zero took the carton from his blue companion. "Hmm lets see. March 18........March 18 when, that does me no good, I need a year !!

"I'd say it was somewhere around 500 bc." X growled, "Never mind I'm going to go have a bath.

  
  
  
  
  
  


X looked warily into the bathroom before entering, there were various bottles and gels of all sorts lining the selves. He felt lost in here.

"Let's see hair gel, skin softener, nail gel , foot gel, aloe, rose oil, raspberry lotion, goats milk foam bath, facial mud pack, moisturizer,..........oh for the love of God !!!" X cried "I just need a nice normal, bar of soap!!" He glanced around the room in vain. "Zero !!! Where's the bloody soap !!"

"In the soap dish Duh!!" Zero, snapped sticking his head in "Right there!" He pointed to a little block by the bath.

X picked it up and examined it carefully. "Zero..?"

"Yes..?"

"It's pink..."

"Yes"

"Zero...?"

"Yes..?"

"It's in the shape of a bunny..."

"I know , cute huh?" Zero smirked, as he shut the door.

X stared a few more moments, 

// The great Maverick slayer washes the blood of his slain from his hands......with pink bunny soap.........................who would have thought.?//

X sighed getting into the shower, he scrubbed the soap into a lather over him, as he thought to himself .

// Somehow I get the feeling that this Christmas is gonna be hell........oh yes...I.... ..what the ! //

(Sniff , sniff) 

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is Lilac scented soap !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ZERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  
  


********************************

  
  


"ZzzZZZZzzzZZ!!!"

"Un...why does he have to snore?" Zero groaned, attempting to bury his head into the pillow. He glance over at X's bed.

"Unnggg.." he gagged looking at the huge puddle covering a good portion of the blue hunters pillow case. " no wonder he's always thirsty, he loses it all at night in drool fuel"

"ZzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZ"

"MMM I can't take this any more " Zero grabbed one of his slippers and threw it at the snoring bot."

"Zz..Z..snort..zz,,,un..mmm...what?" X groggily opened his eyes.

"Stop snoring Damnit!!" Zero snapped

"I don't snore!" X cried.

"You do!!..admit it!"

"I don't..(yawn..)..zz. SnoreZZzzz"

"Your snoring right now..and your awake !!!! Zero growled.

"Oh Zero, stop whining,..." X yawned "......I was having a really good dream.."

"Of what, pretending you were a vacuum ...!"

"Ha ha.." X replied dryly. "Don't you ever have dreams about things you'd really like.?

"No.." Zero said " I just sleep, now shut up."

"Oh come on you must..." X grinned, " Like dreaming about being rich or famous......of falling in love with that special someone...you know, one of those dreams that gives you that tingly feeling all over."

"Hmm...........Actually" Zero smirked " I find myself dreaming more and more about gouging out your eyes, tearing your head off and wrapping it in duct tape to use as a bowling ball.

"Yikes What a nightmare!" X cringed.

"One of my greatest fantasies actually.........."

"What !!" X squeaked.

" It would stop you from asking me all those stupid questions of yours." Zero laughed.

X glared at him, "Ha ha ha , very funny..." he snapped.

"Oh X don't get mad..." Zero laughed.

The two of them lay in silence for several minutes until Zero spoke up.

"Ya know X, you telling me about your little dreams of bunnies, and flowers and fluffy clouds really don't mean dick all to me..." he said. " I mean you're a dude right?"

"Yes Zero" X gave an irritated sigh.

"Well, come on then, ..why don't you ever tell me about your sexual fantasies ?"

" Well, cause, thankfully..... you're never in them" X said.

"Oh...? A good looking, and incredibly well built guy like myself, and you don't find me attractive...??.." Zero stammered getting worked up.. " I... ..b but X come on.. Surely I'm somewhat attractive to you...right....I...mean ..I'm irresistible.. ..I'm the Man !!"

X smirked from where he lay " No gender Zero remember ?"

Zero gaped "But ya.....but...but.."

"Goodnight.."

"X...X wake up.....oh come on.........nobody falls asleep that fast...X !!"

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued..............................

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Forte, The Big Mouthed Bass

  
  


Help I'm a fish -------part 3 

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Come on Zero, !" X called out as he ran down the hall of his friends apartment, yanking a t-shirt on as he went. "We gotta go meet our families.

X looked in the living room, his blonde amigo wasn't there either. "Zero..!"

He walked into the kitchen .

"....Z...ero...?" He blinked at the seen before him. "What are you doing?" he asked his friends rear end.

"Nothing !" Zero replied sharply. "I'm just ...um...looking for something.....that's all.."

X bent down and gave Zero a small pull. 

"Ow...Stop !!! you asshole. !!!!!"

X jumped back laughing "Ha ha ha.....are you....I mean....is this really what I think it is ......Oh Man !!! Ha Ha ha ha ha !!!!

X laughed as hard as he could, dropping to the floor.

"Ha ha ha yes X I'm stuck in the dish washer...now get me out." Zero screamed.

" I never thought I'd live to see the day..!! ha ha ha ha ha !!!!

"Keep laughing like that and you won't be seeing the end of it..now move your ass and get me out." Zero snapped.

"Ok..ha ha...ok " X, sighed. He gave another pull.

"Ow !!! Damnit !! I meant with my head still attached you moron !! See if you can untangle it.

"Ok...unn lets see..unngg...unnn.." X muttered for a few moments trying to undo the tangled wad in the appliance. 

"Man Zero, I can't get that undone, why don't you just let me cut it?" X said.

"AAACCKK NO!!!!!!!!" The Blonde hunter cried.

"But Zero.." X tried to reason.

"Get back !!!" Zero struggled against the dishwasher. 

X watched his friend, giving a mental groan. "It would be like ½ an inch Z, really.."

"NEVER !!! None shall cut the locks of the mighty crimson hunter !!!!!!!" Zero shouted.

X rolled his eyes. He walked over to the table grabbing an armload of dishes.

"Hey mighty one watch your head," he commented. Pushing a load of dishes into the rack.

"AACCKK !! X GROSS !!! X..?...X....?"

"Look Z, I gotta go meet my family. I'll get Douglas to come up after."

"What !! Your just gonna leave me here !!" Zero stared at him in wide eyed amazement.

"Well....................ya. See ya Zero." X called shutting the door behind him.

"X!!!!.......X !!!.................DAMNIT ....you................" Zero heaved a sigh, 

"This sucks.......I gotta get out of this.....Ok Come on Zero.......your smart, I'm sure you can think your way out ...think,... think"

.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................?.......................................................................??..............................................................dounuts...................yummy...........................?..............................................................................................................................................................................................Sigh :(

Zero settled himself comfortably, to await Douglas. " 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer......"

  
  
  
  


*********************

  
  
  
  


X stood looking around at the crowed sea of faces before him.

"Ok....where are they?" He mused looking vainly, he'd looked through his old history books last night finding information on them. Still.....

"X !" A voice cried out. 

He turned to see a small black haired boy dashing towards him. A little blonde girl in a red dress was close behind, and further back were several others approaching at a normal pace.

Hi X !" the boy shouted.

"Um Hi...Rock..?...Roll..? X answered uncertainly.

"Yep, that's us" Rock grinned.

X nodded, though he didn't know which was which, and turned his attention to the others coming up behind them.

There was an old man with a beard whom X, recognized as Dr. Light immediately from the holograms

// hmmm his hologram looks thinner // he noted.

To his right, was a boy the same height as himself, // hmm...this must be Zero's wacko brother Bass.//

He took in the blonde hair, same as Zero's only not nearly as long. He had crimson eyes. 

// a nice match with Z's crazy neon green ones. // X smiled. And two purple stripes riding down his cheeks. 

// Yep defiantly Zero's Big bro.....a certified nut bar. Insanity .. It must run in the family. //

To his left stood a boy who looked a year or so younger than X. He was about a foot shorter with light sandy brown hair. And large shades covering his eyes.

// Ah this must be Blues...MY...wacko brother...// he thought glancing at the jeans, black shirt, and finally stopping at the bright yellow scarf, that hung down his back.

// this guy had no fashion sense....//

"Ahem.." X cleared his throat. "Um....welcome to hunter HQ....Dad..."

// boy does that feel weird to say..//

"un...Rock....and Roll..." He gave a vague nod, still unsure of who was who.

"Blues..." The boy nodded by way of greeting.

"And you to Bass"

"THAT'S BASS !!" the blonde boy snapped.

X jumped back as Bass jumped at him.

"Ok Bass it is....!" X yelped.

" I am not a fish !!!!!!!" Bass snarled, held back by Blues.

"Forte, let's not kill our host. That wouldn't be very nice." Blues said.

Bass stopped fighting against Blues hold, but continued to glare at X a moment longer, before shaking Blues off and straightening his coat. 

"Um Sorry Bass." X said

"Hhmph !! Your just jealous because the VOICES are talking to me !!" Bass laughed.

X gulped, he made a metal note to hide all the steak knives and other sharp objects when they got to their room.

// This guy has issues....he'll be right at home with Zero. .....I wonder what Zero is up to right now? //

  
  


To Be Continued ...............................

  
  
  
  



	4. Meet the Family

Help I'm a Fish ------part 4

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Two bottles of beer on the wall,........two bottles of ...beer....you take one down...pass it around...........two............................................X !!!!!!!!........X come back !!!!. I've changed my mind you can cut my hair.!!!...just let me out of here !!!!!!! ...................................................................................................X...?...............Iris..?..........................................................anybody......?..."

Zero gave a long sigh, plopping his head on the dish rack.

// This is lovely, I am stuck in a dish washer,...my friends have abandon me here to die...oh...god....I'm going to die in a dishwasher, ...and my life will be for not .and....and.......and I forgot what verse I WAS ON !!! //

" I hate this .....how the hell am I gonna get out...?" Zero groaned. 

// Ok think Zero....think and an Idea will come to you...// The crimson hunter closed his eyes in fierce determination.

//................................................marmalade...................................................toothbrush....................................................I gotta lovely bunch of coconuts...........(acckk STOP THAT !!)............. ...............chocolate pudding.......//

"That's it !!, I always think better with chocolate." he cried jumping up and heading for the fridge.

He got about half a foot before. 

"OWW!!!!!" he cried , his feet falling from under him. " ....damn it.....I'M STUCK !!!

..............................oh ya........"

From his place in the dish washer Zero whimpered. "This isn't working." He glanced at the junk X had shoved in beside him.

"Hark....a knife !!" Zero exclaimed. Grabbing the butter knife he set to work at hacking free his hair.

"Ha ha ha ha ah ha ha ha ha I'm free...free I tell you ha ha ah ah ha FREE!!!" He dashed out the door , leaving a substantial chunk of blonde hair in the dishwasher.

  
  


******************************************

  
  
  
  


"And this is a conference room.....and....um...this is another.........um...conference room.." X said. He was giving a grand tour of the base to his family not really sure what else to do. 

"Um...and this is the mens bathroom..." 

Rock pushed the door open and peered inside.

"Unnn you don't wanna go in there .... Believe me !!" X cautioned. 

"Ewww" Rock yelped "It smells like tinkle !!"

"Yup...among other things..." X sighed yanking Rock away from the door. "Ok and over here we have..."

"Let me guess another conference room?" Blues groaned.

"Un...ya..that is ..." X stammered.

"X !!...X where are you?"

"Zero..?" X turned as his friend came bounding into view.

"X...I've changed my mind..." Zero stated.

"That's good, does it work any better now?" X asked.

"Very funny X, !"Zero, snapped.

"Ok...changed your mind about what?"

"You can cut my hair..."

X gave his blonde companion a strange look "Why..?"

"To get me unstuck of course...........................wait..." Zero seemed to stop and ponder his reasoning.

X stared at him in total bewilderment. Then knowing that Zero's pondering of anything would take longer than he wanted to spare he cleared his throat and announced.

"...Zero.......................your brother....." He motioned to another boy, stepping aside to let Zero through.

"Bass !! my big brother!!!!" Zero cried.

"BASS !! IT'S BASS ...I am not a fish......I am not A FISH !!!!"

"OK...Bass.......I'm Zero"

"Zero my little sister !!!

"Little brother !!!" Zero corrected, annoyed. "I am Not a woman...I am not a woman !!!!"

"Oookkkaaayyy" Bass nodded glancing his sibling once over. He stared at the long pony tail hanging down Zero's back.

Zero was doing the same with Bass's red eyes and bright purple stripes.

After a moment they both smiled and nodded to each other. Thinking the same thought

// Boy this guy has issues..//

"um anyway why don't we get you all settled. I'm sure you're all tired....and then..unnn...I guess we'll take it from there."

"Ah that sounds good, X my boy.." Light agreed.

"Ya...we brought gifties " Rock cried "We'll put them under the tree"

"unnnnn.......tree...?......gifts...?" X gulped.

"You do have a tree up right X,?" Dr. Light asked, his oldest son.

"Well....not exactly.." he shrugged.

"Gifts...?" Rock pouted.

".....no....." X confessed.

"You goober !" Roll snorted kicking him in the shin.

"Oww!!" 

"Man X, you suck !!" Zero snapped. "Even I have a tree up!"

"Zero" X sighed "That plastic palm tree with the sex toys taped to it doesn't count"

"Gasp!...How dare you mock the great tree of Paradise!!! It shall smite thee with it's mighty coconuts ........of DOOM !!" Zero yelled.

"It doesn't have coconuts, Z..." X replied dryly.

"Ok....... with coconut flavored body oil then shall you be smote !!" Zero cackled "Yessss.... Coconut body oil................ of DOOM !!"

X shook is head "You've watched Lord of the Rings one time too many Z,"

"Gasp, how dare thee, not think me, a true elven prince!" Zero snapped , slapping X in the face.

"Zero, your not Legolas !!" X protested.

"Ha...I am ..I can prove it !!!" Zero said , his eyes gleaming "For I have the ONE RING !!!"

  
  


He pulled out a small circular object attached to his neck by a chain. "See, it is tougher than steel, it can't be destroyed.

"Zero!" X snapped "That's that stupid fossilized fruit loop you found under you couch last year..gross !!!

"How dare you !!" Zero cried out indignantly "Don't listen to him...my preciousssss" 

Blues turned to his black armored companion. "Oh yeah.....you're gonna fit right in here Forte"

"Come on everyone. Let's unpack, then we can decide what do to" Light suggested as they headed up to the sleeping quarters.

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued............

  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Wreck the halls

Help I'm a Fish --Part 5

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Price check on pink fuzzy slippers!" The clerk called loudly over the noise.

"Oh man Zero, !" X cried as he was shoved into a stack of toys. "I can't believe I let you talk me into shopping on Christmas eve...!"

"Come on X, you got to get your family their gifts right..?....so what's the prob...Hey get outta here BEAT IT !!.....little munchkin ..." Zero snapped, kicking a whiny child out of his way.

"Ok... But really Z,.........I don't even know where to start...what do I get them..?" X sighed.

"Hmmm" Zero shrugged.

Let's see chocolate for Dad.....I guess?"

"Here you can get this for Shades..." Zero smirked handing him a book.

"What's this for...?"

"He needs it trust me ......the dudes creepy.."

"And your brothers not !" X cried.

"Hey....insanity runs in our family." Zero grinned. "...proud heritage and all...."

""It's confirmed! .." X sighed rolling his eyes. 

"Huh.?"

"Nothing ...now lets see. What should I get Rock and Roll...?" X said turning into another aisle.

"The little ones huh..?.......who's who..?.."

"Unnnn.....well......I don't...know...." X cringed.

"You don't know....?" Zero gawked at is blue companion.

"Oh...come on..It's not like Rock and Roll are gender specific !" X protested, throwing his hands in the air. 

"No gender X, remember...no gender..." Zero smiled.

"Oh...that's it Z !...I'm going to get something for Rock and Roll. Why don't you get something for Bass.?"

"Hmmm...ya I guess that's a good idea. Is there a gun shop around here?"

"Ahh...Zero..?"

"Hmmm"

No guns...."

"Ok...is there a knife shop?"

".no knives"

"How..ab.."

"...or weapons"

"Maybe a.."

"Or sharp objects...

"Ah.."

"...or blunt objects.."

"A..."

"Or teddy bears."

"Oh X you worry too much.." Zero laughed walking away.

X blinked watching him go.....

// hmmm.....I'm getting plastic dinner ware......and duct tape........lot's of duct tape.....// X thought shaking his head as he headed for the toys.

  
  


*************************************************

  
  


"No , no oh you're putting it in crooked Bass !"

That's not crooked...OW !!"

"Oh....HOLD STILL...!!!"

" ....God damn ...freaking pine tree!!!!!" 

  
  
  
  


From his place in the kitchen X sighed. 

// Why did I let Bass and Zero put the tree up...? //

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Here...hold this.."

"What..?"

"Hold the base Bass !!!" Zero snapped.

"You hold it..!" he growled back.

"Which one..?"

"What do you mean which one !!!!" Bass hollered. "It not like you have a multiple choice here Zero !!!

"Ok !! There tighten it hurry, it's straight...!!!" The Long haired blonde shouted.

"Ok...ok...unnngg...and.....there.." Bass leaned back to observe their hard work " AACK ZERO YOU TWIT......THE STUMP GOES IN THE HOLDER...... YOU GOT THE TREE UPSIDE DOWN !!!!!" he yelled, yanking the tree from his brothers grasp.

"Hey...cut it out.." Zero glared at him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to do this right..!" Bass snorted.

"Not without me you're not.." Zero huffed ".in case you haven't noticed I'm the brains of this operation!!!"

"We're doomed" Blues mumbled dryly, from his place by the closet.

"Bug off Shades!" Zero snarled, turning back to Bass and the tree. "Aaakk Bass...." The two began to have a tug of war with the unfortunate pine.

"Hey leggo!!!"

"MINE!!!"

Blues watched for a moment. "Sigh..." He shook his head, walking to the closet. "Lets see Christmas ornaments...." he pulled open the door.." Christmas ornat...AAGHHH !!"

  
  


CRASH !!!!!!!!

  
  


"X!!!" Blues yelled, pulling himself free from the hideous pile of junk he'd suddenly become buried under. "Geez!!...what a slob.." he dusted himself off , pulling a box out from the clutter.

"Hmm...Christmas ornaments ...ahhh.....Rock !!....Roll...come here !!!" 

"Ya?" Rock asked peeping from around the corner.

"Here you and Roll go though the Christmas Ornaments and get them ready for the tree. I'm gonna get the lights out..."

"Ok Blues," Rock nodded grabbing the box and running off with Roll.

  
  


"Now lets see, a..................the......Lights?" Blues reached deep into the box and pulled out a string of lights so knotted and wadded up it looked like the hair ball of some massive cat.

The sandy haired boy blinked at the mass.

"Sigh........X...............my brother the twit..." he groaned, as he began the impressive job of untangling the massive thing. 

// Damn it X !! What possessed you to do this to the lights..?..//

  
  


Quite awhile later 

  
  
  
  


"OK...there" Blues plugged them in. And was rewarded with a glow.

Before they went dead.

"WHAT!!" he cried. "$#&^&^*@!!!!!" Grabbing the string he looked carefully. "What happened !!"

"Oh you know those lights...when one goes out they all go out. " Zero called from his place behind the tree.

"Which one went out then..?" Blues growled.

"That's what you gotta find......one little light bulb at a time.." Bass smirked. "HA HA HA the insanity of it all...!!!"

Blues grabbed the string, yanking on each light as he went.... "I will not scream.....I.....will.....NOT...Scream..."

"That's right keep it up Bl....Arrhg Zero....Now it is crooked.!!" Bass snapped. "Oh...move let me do the tree."

"No..."

"Yes!"

What about me..?" the crimson hunter glared at his big brother.

"Un...why don't you help..Blues.." Bass offered, even as Blues sent the glare of death his way.

"Hmm..ok.." Zero sighed getting up. Oh Bluuuuueeessssss !!!"

Bass cringed as Zero walked over the closet and plunked himself down next to Blues. The boys shades didn't stop his glare from reaching Bass. " heh." Bass attempted a meek wave, hoping they could work it out later tonight. To which Blues answered by promptly biting the head off one of the angles. 

".!!!!...." Bass's jaw hung open. He was defiantly not going to get any tonight. Actually he would be lucky if he didn't lose anything tonight.

Bass shivered.

  
  


"Oops!" Zero exclaimed as another bulb burst in his hand. "Oh oopsie....umm here let me help you with that.."

Blues groaned looking up from the maze of wire and bulbs. "Will you get out!!!"

"No"

"WHY NOT !!" 

"You didn't say the magic word.." Zero smiled.

Blues looked at him, he had a couple of magic words he'd love to say to the bloody bimbo standing in front of him. Not to mention a few choice phases reserved for the one behind him.

He took a deep breath counting to ten....when that didn't work he tried twenty...then thirty. Then he just gave up on the counting crap and decided to play along with Zero's little mind game.

" Ok....Zero...would you Please leave me alone.."

// before I kill you //

He said smiling thought gritted teeth.

"NO !"

"...I SAID THE MAGIC WORD....did I not !!!!!!!!!!!!" Blues yelled.

"OH... I know But I won't let you all the work yourself."

"I don't want help" Blues mumbled.

" Well I'm Gonna help you weather you want it your not." Zero beamed.

"Oh goody.......this should be fun..." 

"What ?...Are you not impressed by my mental abilities ?" Zero asked, with such sincerity that Blues had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing. He let his humor die out before attempting to comment.

"Zero...you have the mental abilities of a pop tart. Please just go away. Find something shiny to amuse yourself with."

Hmmmph...creepy little vampire."

Zero muttered getting up and walking out to the kitchen. 

  
  
  
  


X frantically dashed from pot to pot, adding salt to the yams , turning the heat down on the gravy.

// oh man....I need a hand with this....// he thought.

"Rock, Roll, !!" he called out.

There was a scrambling of feet as the two young robots scurried into the kitchen.

"Yes...?'

"You called..?"

"Un...ya I need your help.. There on the table please..." X pointed to the table covered with various items.

Rock and Roll peered at the junk on the table's surface.

"Hey check it out...!! X has neat stuff !! " Rock cried grabbing one of the items. "Grrr... I'm gonna eat you ha ha ha!!"

Roll groaned "Oh don't be such a twit..! X...he's playing with your toys.."

"My toys?" X turned from the stove. "Arrgghh.... Those are Cain's dentures !!!!" 

"Ewwww!!!' Rock cried throwing the teeth to the floor.

"Gross..." Roll cried.

They made a cracking noise as they hit.

"Oops" Rock grimaced. He glanced about for somewhere to hide the things..

X hung his head. "Why me....I used to have a handle on life...."

Just then Zero walked in, and stomped over to where X stood. "X....I need a hug..." he whined.

The blue bot let out a sob. "...But it broke.."

"X."

"X..!"

'Hey X..!!" 

Everybody shouted to him at once. X felt his annoyance level peak.

"Stop it...can't you see I'm going bonkers...I want I little privacy." he shrieked.

"Oh X let a pro show you how to do it.." Zero said.

"Umm X.." Rock asked "X.."

"WHAT..!" X turned to his little brother.

"Your goop is boiling.." Roll pointed to a bubbling pot on the stove.

"Arrghh my cranberries" X lunged to save them, placing a bare hand on the side of the pot.

" AAAAAGGGGRRRRHHHHHH !!!!!Ow...hot hot ow ow.."

"X..!!!" Zero whined again.

"Not now Zero !...ow..ow...I'm a little busy...ow..!!" X snapped not looking up from his cooking."

"Hmmph" Zero huffed tossing his long mane indignantly...................right across the burner.

X sat the pot down blowing on his burnt fingers" Sniff sniff....what is burning..?" he wrinkled his nose.

"HE IS !!! " Rock yelled pointing to Zero.

"ARRGHHH" Zero screamed " MY locks ...my beautiful golden tresses SAVE ME !! "

"Hold still !!" X cried Grabbing the flaming pony tail and dunking it in the sink. 

"WHAT THE !! It didn't go out..?" Roll cried in amazement. 

"OH great, " X cried "That's because Zero has every chemical know to man in his hair. " he grabbed the extinguisher and sprayed the white foam over his friend. "There.."

"Ahhhhhh' Zero relaxed somewhat, leaning back to let his singed hair cool.

"Now that you have my attention Zero....what do you want..?"

"Oh X let me help. I the mighty one....am bored." Zero shrugged.

"Fine.." X muttered. "Go clean the turkey."

"Alright.." Zero walked over to were the mammoth bird lay on a plate. "Hmm" He smirked.

  
  


"Alright...good...." X adjusted the heat to one of the pots, and carefully stirred in some seasoning. "There.."

"Hey X, Look !!" Zero cried. "It's howdy doody time.." he swung the turkey merrily in the air, as Rock and Roll laughed hysterically. 

"Aaarrghgh....Zero, get your hand out of the birds ass !!" X exclaimed. "It's guts are still in there.!!" 

"Eww !! Gross!! " Zero yelped , flinging the bird back down on the plate.

"Would you just clean it pleeeease !" X said giving an irritated sigh, before turning back to his cooking.

"Fine, fine" Zero assured him. "Come on birdy, heh heh...it's bath time." he strolled down the hall to the bathroom.

  
  
  
  


"Hmm let's see add two cups chopped onion.. And .." X glanced up from his cook book.

"Rock , Roll, I need your help...ok?'

"Right" they nodded.

"Good...un...you" X said pointing to Rock " Go the table and mix all that stuff together ok?"

"Ok' Rock nodded.

"Good, And you ...go find Dad and Dr. Cain. They should have been here an hour ago"

"me?..but...why...I.'m better at cooking..."

"Cooking is man's work..." X stated. Earning himself a few odd stares.

"No gender X" Roll corrected.

" GO!!!" 

"Hmmpph !" she glared at him, but turned . With that the two ran to carry out their appointed tasks.

  
  


X sighed watching them go.

"Good...hey Z, how's the turkey coming?..um......Zero?" X turned about the kitchen "Zero...?"

// now where did he go.? //

Then he noticed the turkey missing from the platter.

// OH NO..!! //

"Zero !" X shouted running to the bathroom "Stop, that's not what I meant!!"

  
  
  
  


Rock climbed up onto a chair by the table, looking over the various items.

// Bread and spices and onions and...?..//

"Oh well he said to mix everything together.." The little boy dumped everything into a large bowl and began to stir.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


****************************

  
  
  
  


Roll trotted down the hallway looking for Cain's office.

"Well hello little one.." Douglas smiled, leaning down to greet her. "Are you looking for someone?" 

"Yes. I'm looking for Dr. Cain's office." she answered.

"Oh well I'll show you where it is ." he started down the hall way Roll in tow. "Aren't you a little young to be here...?' Douglas asked after they'd been traveling a few moments.

"I'm visiting X and Zero" Roll replied.

"You're related to them....?" Douglas asked .

"Yes I......" Roll grinned . She could have fun with this. // payback X //

She turned wide blue eyes up at Douglas "You...mean they n..never told you about me ?.."

She sniffed pretending to be hurt.

"Um...No" Douglas stammered, taken back "Should they..?"

"I...just thought..t...that they would have mentioned their illegitimate daughter....sniff....that's all.

But I guess they want to keep me a secret.

Douglas's jaw dropped . // X and Zero had a love child......together.?... I thought Zero was a boy..? ....acckk what if it was X.....maybe.....!!! ....no gender.....remember ...no gender...//

Douglas shook himself from the stupor, as they approached the door. " Um well here ya go. "

"Thanks.." Roll smiled at him.

"Ya..... good luck with your family." Douglas called. With that he quickly dashed away. He had to get to the printing room.

  
  


*************************************************

  
  


"Dr Light ...DR. Cain come on dinner is ready " Roll called knocking on the door. 

The door opened and Lights stepped out. "Coming Roll, we were just discussing the Christmas play."

"Yes" Cain nodded, "Now about dinner I can hardy wait I bet it will be something else. Now where are my dentures...?"

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued ..........

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Kiss the Cook Don't you mean Kill the Co...

Help I'm a fish part 5 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Ah ...um....anyone for some......stuffing.." X asked trying to break the almost total silence at the table. "Dad..?

"Umm...no..no thank you X," Light smiled.

"DR. Cain...?" X grimaced as he looked at the Dr.

"Hmmph, all I get to eat is mush....." Cain snarled. "That turkey sure looks good, but can I have some no.. And why....?"

"Dr. Cain ...I'm really sorry.." X tried as he sat back down.

"Some yahoo steals my dentures.!!" Cain bellowed.

"They weren't stolen, they were just misplaced that's all..." X shrugged. "I'm sure Rock and Roll will remember where they placed them eventually...won't you guys.

The two small bots nodded, before giving each other a worried look.

"So um...the tree looks very interesting.." Light said nervously, staring over at the mangled remains of the pine tree.

"Heh heh, you bet it does.." Bass nodded. "I told that tree I was gonna win. And I did...DIDN'T I ...HUH...PAUL.. DIDN'T I..!!!!"

X blinked "Paul..?" he turned to Blues.

"Personification" Blues replied.

"Huh?"

"He names inanimate objects. Treats them like people."

"Right." X nodded. Zero's brother was freaking him out more and more each moment.

"Ha that tree never knew what hit it" Bass laughed.

"Forte, surely you can realize the pointlessness of having an argument with an inanimate object.." Blues sighed. 

At that moment the lights on the tree decided to snuff out.

"WHAT!? !!" Blues jumped up "I don't believe you...arrghggh god damn Bastard LIGHT'S FROM HELL !!! YOU ARE GOING TO WORK !!!!!" Blues roared tackling the tree.

"OH Blues!" Zero cried "now it's crooked again..!"

"Crooked..?" Iris gasped at the carnage. "There's nothing left of the poor thing."

"You certainly have an interesting family X" Alia noted, as she addressed the reploid opposite

her."X..?...." She looked to the horrified face of her friend. "X....check back into reality.."

"My reality check bounced." X sobbed, getting up from the table.

"Where are you going ?" Iris asked.

"Out of my mind...." he moaned walking into the kitchen.

  
  


X tossed several dishes into the sink, sighing as he did so. "Somebody shoot me...." X whined. From the room he heard Zero scream as the tree topped over once more.

"No .....somebody shoot them..." he muttered, as he started to soak the dishes.

"Oh well thing's can't get much worst can they..?"

He washed the dishes in silence for a few more moments, until he felt something crawling up his back.

"What the..?" He turned as two arms wrapped around his waist. "Huh?"

"X,....I lub yoush.." 

"Brady !!" X gasped "Get off of me, Cain will kill me, if he catches us.."

"Yer so cute.." she laughed poking him none to gently in the nose.

"Oww" X grabbed his nose. "You're dunk,....acckk come on let go of me" he edged up against the sink and he was showered with drunken affection.

"You tried this before remember it didn't work. "

I need you right here right now!" She cried diving on top of him.

"Aggh... " X cried as he was toppled over. 

"Come on X, " she cried grabbing the front of his jeans "Show me ya care!" 

"With what!" X yelped, " Haven't we been though this already.."

"Improvise baby.." she smiled as she began to unbutton her blouse.

CAIN!!" X screamed "your sex crazed daughter mmpghh" He was cut off as Brady shoved a large, long object into his mouth.

X gagged, throwing her off him and gasping for air. "What the fuck are you doing?" he gasped.

"Aren't you horny" She winked.

"NO I'M NOT!!"

"Doesn't that turn you on,?" she asked seductively.

"WHAT? NO... For crying out loud you just shoved a cucumber down my throat. And You think it's sexy...?" X blinked he didn't want to know about her other sexual fantasies.

"Get away from me!!" 

"But X, I need you !!" She gasped , Pinning him against the counter top. She began to kiss him.

" mmphh ammMMM!!!!" X attempted.

Brady smiled pulling his shirt off she licked a trial from his chin to his jaw line and down to his navel..

"Aaaarghhhhh, oh my god she's eating me...!!! X gasped, despite the fact that he was scared out of his mind, he started giggling uncontrollably, as her tongue tickled him.

Help...ha .ha ha h Ahhhhhhhhh!!" X gasped as she stared unzipping the jeans he wore.

"Hey X .." Zero's voice came from the room. "Bring in some pie will you."

"Yeaaaaghhhssssss " X cried.. "Brady let go get off!!"

"Oh X, come on now show me how sweet you are.."

X looked around desperately for something to free him of this clinging hormone.

Grabbing a can on the counter by his head he swung it down by her face and aiming fired a direct hit.

"Oh..." Brady cried falling back

"Ahh" X cried in relif

"EeeP" Dr. Cain gasped entering the kitchen, with Dr, Light.

"D...Dr. Cain.." X paled.

"What were you doing with my little angel..?!!" he cried.

"N...nothing.." X stammered , glancing down he noted with dismay that his pant's were at his ankles.

"Nothing..?" Cain glared, as X grabbed his pant's and zipped them up quickly.

"What's going on?" Zero asked, as he, Blues and Bass walked in .

"Nothing !" X snapped.

"Nothing ?.." Zero asked.

"Nothing" Cain growled. 

  
  


From her place on the floor Brady got up, smiling at X as she did. "Oh X you really are sweet," she smirked wiping her chin.

"Un" X groaned of all the can's to nail her with. It was his whipped cream.

"X !!!!" Cain turned to him " You were making out with my little baby.."

'Ew I don't think I want that pie any more.." Zero cut in.

"I...it wasn't my fault..." X exclaimed. "I she....she shoved a cucumber down my throat. !!"

"Aaaarrgghgh Winston !!" Bass cried out jumping forward he grabbed the veggie from X and clouted him on the head with it. "Winston says you've been a bad boy...!" Bass cried running back to the dinner table."

X blinked.

"Ok everyone, lets not over react here." Dr. Light cut in. "We all know X couldn't really do anything with Brady...so" he shrugged.

"My self esteem is just bubbling over here dad" X grumbled..

"No to mention, Miss Cain seems tanked out of her mind." Blues noted.

"Like father, like daughter. " Zero snickered.

"Good. Now why don't we finish our dinner and enjoy ourselves.

They all nodded and started to the table.

Cain muttering under his breath about eating more mush. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued............

  
  



	7. Funeral For A Fowl

Help I'm a Fish ... part 7

  
  
  
  


Blues grimaced poking the stuffing on his plate with his fork. It just didn't look that appealing. And when his fork became firmly glued in to the mixture , it looked even less so.

"Un X..what the hell is wrong .. Unn..with this stuffing." He asked while attempting to free his silverware.

"You did put in all the stuff right?" X asked, looking over at Rock.

"Yep" Rock nodded "Everything that was on the table."

" Hmm...I don't understa......wait a minute....everything...everything..?" X asked suddenly.

"...You said to" Rock shrugged.

"X..?" Iris gave him a strange look. 'What is in the stuffing.?"

"Umm....just a sec." X squeaked , giving them all a nervous grin.

"Um... maybe we should skip the stuffing " he said returning from the kitchen.

"Why?" Blues asked.

X gave a pitiful look as he held up an empty tube of hemorrhoid ointment. "Unn.. It has a few extra ingredients that might not be to everyone's liking"

"Yuck !!" Blues cried.

"Oh My God !! I ate some of that !!!" Alia screamed.

Everyone else shoved the stuffing from their plated with disgust. 

X cringed , things were not going smoothly.

He jumped as he heard a clunk, turning he noted Brady had konked out by his chair.

// not smoothly at all //

"Um...ok...lets have the turkey..." he suggested.

"Yes the turkey looks delicious " Iris smiled.

"I'll do it I'll do it!!" Bass cried leaping up with a gleam in his eyes.

"Um...uh..D.. Dad will you do the honors...?" X gave a desperate look to him as he handed over the very sharp knives.

"Um....Yes alright lets carve this bird up.." Light chuckled.

Hmmph" Bass sulked. "Wait...what are you doing..?" he gasped as Light pressed the knife to one of the drumsticks. "OH MY GOD !!! YOU'RE GONNA EAT CARL !!!! " he screamed launching himself onto the table.

"Forte !!" Blues cried grabbing him by his ankles. "Look you moron it's DEAD it's a little late to try saving it Forte.

But.....b..bu" Bass looked at Blues with pained eyes, before throwing his head back in sorrow "OH WHY curse you cruel fate !!! (sob)..." he took his seat once more putting his head down between his arms and muttering about the unfairness of radishes.

The rest of the group sat watching him until Alia broke the silence. "That man needs help"

"That is most certain...." X nodded.

"Well on with the turkey..!!" Roll smiled.

"Ah yes..." X nodded.

Dr. Light grabbed the knife and began to cut into "Carl"

"Yum , would you look at that. It looks great, it's tender and juicy and....and!!.."

"And blowing bubbles out it's arse !!! Alia cried.

"It's a demon bird !!!!" Blues yelped.

"Possessed poultry !! Quick run !!" Rock cried.

"The souls of the slain turkeys of the past are upon us ....they will avenge Carl !!" Bass screamed jumping up on the table 

'Poultrygeist !! Save us !! " Rock keeled loudly running around the table frantically, singing ghostbusters.

  
  


X turned to Zero "You shampooed the Turkey !!!"

"Hey, it would have been fine if you hada let me put the conditioner on X!!" Zero growled.

X shook his head. 

"Zero...I could kill you at times...."

"I'm telling you X it say's right on the package Rinse and repeat."

// I'M NOT LIVING THIS .....please somebody wake me up !!//

  
  


"Oh shut up..!! Roll snapped swinging the cranberries at her twins head.

"Who we gonna caaaaallll" Rock cried out tripping over the body of Brady and sliding under the table.

"Arrgghh " Iris screech as the bowl of cranberry sauce hit it's new target.

"Oops" Roll cringed.

"You little Monster !!!" Iris snarled., grabbing the turkey and swinging it wildly, at Roll's head.

"Stop !! Your hurting Carl !!!!" Bass wailed. As the turkey bounced off Rolls head knocking her senseless in the process, and fell to the floor making a strange clattering noise and it landed next to Rock.

The little blue bomber blinked before realizing what he'd just discovered.

"Look Dr. Cain !!!" he cried jumping up, and holding the turkey out for all to see " I found your teeth !!"

"ARRGGGHHH" DR. Light gagged. 

"How did they get in the turkey !!!" Alia wanted to know.

X watched from his seat at the scene before him. "I'm I having fun yet?" he ask Brady's pron form on the floor.

  
  
  
  


"Oh my dear Lord. !!" Blues yelped ducking a scoopful of mashed yams, that went sailing over his head. He got up from his seat trying to make his way to the distraught blonde bot who was mourning the remains of what looked like a chicken wing.

  
  


X stood agog..... His home was a mess ...his family was nuts....and he was thinking of places to hide the bodies...

  
  


"STOP IT !!! everyone...right now...!!! I sa..ARRGHHH !!!!" he cried out as he was struck. Looking down he saw that his white shirt was now dripping with cherry pie filling.

"ZERO!!!" 

"Heh... sorry X, but I just couldn't help myself." Zero laughed running a finger down his friends chest, and popping the cherry filling into his mouth "Hmmm, oh X your good enough to eat!"

X sighed rolling his eyes "Why me?"

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Forte come on!!" Blues shouted trying to be heard over the whining bot.

"But Blues...can't you feel it's pain..!!.?" he sobbed.

"Come on Forte...let him go buddy....let em go..." He patted the blonde boys back "There, there.."

Suddenly Bass shot up dashing to another pile of turkey bits.

"Where is it...where...."

Forte..?" Blues asked.

"I know it's here ...hang on Carl... I'll save you.." he cried shrilly. After digging about for a brief moment he jumped up cackling triumphantly. 

"Yesss!!! Don't worry Carl I will bring you back ... resurrection !!." he turned and ran out the door and down the hall way.

"Forte wait !!!" Blues shouted. "That's a wishbone Forte..wait...!"

"Acckk...Blues help !!!" X cried, fending off a rather aggressive Zero.

"Sorry X bro. Chaos, panic ,disorder,.....my work here is done." He turned and ran after Bass.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued ......................

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Mutiny Under The Mistletoe

Help I'm a Fish part 8

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Bass ran to a mound of snow, digging into the powdery matter he scooped a hole and tossed the deceased carl's wish bone into it.

"Yes, I can feel it, Carl will rise again." Bass cried out, flinging his hands in the air. He dropped into the snow flapping his arms and legs in frantic motions.

Blues walked up beside him. 

"Forte....what are you doing..?"

"I'm calling back the souls of the dead, so they may re-inhibit the earth, and be once more united with their loved ones with whom they were prematurely departed .

Blues cocked an eyebrow at his friend. "By making snow angels..?"

"Do not dought the mystic ways of the mystic....un....mystics.. It will work !! " Bass laughed. Turning to the snow once more. "Carl come forth I command you LIVE !! Ha ha ha ha.........huh?" Bass stopped, looking down at his feet. He bent down scooping out the snow. "Carl, we're waiting. 

X and the others ran up beside Blues. "Dare I ask..?" X whispered.

" Hmph....oh...he's ..not answering his beeper..." Bass huffed. and looked around at all the eyes staring at him. "What..?"

"Ah yes, laugh alone...and the world thinks you're an idiot" Blues grinned.

"How can you be so stupid!" Zero growled, stomping up to his brother.

"Stupid, ha my mind is as wonderful as my superbly built, and incredibly handsome body."

"Oh please. If your body was anything like your mind you'd be the invisible man" Zero snorted.

"Ha..you just don't know perfection when you see it!" Bass laughed, walking in ahead of them.

X turned to Blues " So tell me does he suffer from insanity often?"

"No" Blues said, then adding with a smirk " He usually enjoys it"

  
  


****************************************************************************

  
  


"Well, It seems to me.." Dr. Light laughed "That there are four stages to life.

1 you believe in Santa

2 you don't believe in Santa

3 you become Santa

and 4 you start to look like Santa."

Ha ha...I think I know where you are.." Cain chuckled.

The two Doctors continued to talk amongst themselves as they headed back to Cain's office to finish up the details of the play.

They were cut off by Bass storming past them muttering about "birds of a feather..and such.'

"What was that about..?" Cain asked the small group coming in from the cold.

'Don't ask...." X sighed, holding up a hand to stop anymore questions.

  
  
  
  


After the supper dishes had been cleared away. The group sat down in the living area, by the fire and sipped from their drinks in contentment.

Zero took a seat next to Iris on the couch. "Man it's sure nice an warm in here" he grinned.

"Can you believe that !!" Alia said

"Huh?" Zero looked up, he hadn't really been listening to the two female repoilds as they talked.

"Can you believe that they view women with big breasts as less intelligent?" Alia scoffed.

"What do you think of that..?" Iris asked.

Zero smirked raising his glass to a toast "Merry Christmas Enstien's "

Alia, and Iris glared at him, before shoving him from the couch to his ass on the floor.

"Well it just got a little chilly in here all of a sudden." Zero snorted picking himself up, and sitting down next to X.

"Hey lets play a game!" Rock suggested, as he sat down next to Blues.

"Ya truth of Dare!!" Roll cried. She and all the females glared at the men.

X cringed lowering himself in his seat. // I hate her !!//

"It'll be fun.. And we'll learn more about each other." Roll continued. "Hey Bass you wanna play to?" She asked the blonde boy hovering in the hall way.

"Me..?"

"YA You can bring your friends .." she smiled pointing to the objects he had in his hand.

Bass looked down at his hand, to see a donut and a fork impaling it.

"Og my god...Murder!! He cried " how dare you commit an act of such mutiny.. Release Elmo at once you traitor " he proceeded to yank the fork from the pastry and fling it from the room, while the gathered company stared on in silence.

"Oh Elmo,...I fear you are to far gone, fatally wounded by Francois attack, I have no choice but to end your suffering." Bass shoved the donut into his mouth chewing, as he wailed at the same time. Not a pretty sight.

X watched as bits of Elmo fell to the carpet.

"I don't know if I'd call that murder..." Iris whispered.

"Until right now I would have called that lunch..." Alia grimaced.

"I'll never look at a donut the same way again.." Zero said.

X sunk down into the sofa as Bass's wailing continued. 

"I'm going to need therapy for the rest of my life."

  
  
  
  
  
  


To be continued....

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



	9. Incest and Peppermints

Help I'm a Fish-----part 9 

  
  
  
  
  
  


"Ok Bass, there ya go...you have a little rest in here and things will be all better when you wake up...ok?" Blues assured his wailing companion.

"Sniff....o...ok...WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Bass howled, as he was led into the bedroom.

// What a boob ..// X groaned as he closed the blinds.

He and Blues made their way out the door.

"Hey S..?" Bass called to him.

"It's X.." he said, silently groaning.

'Ok...........hey X..?"

"What...?

"Can you sing me a song.....?" Bass whispered.

X turned to give the supposed killer robot a look of disbelief "A song..?"

"Sniff sniff to ease the pain.....the loss..." Bass began to cry again.

//you got to be kidding me.....// X wondered.

"Bass, it was a Donut !!!!" X exclaimed.

"Oh the cruelty, does no one care !!" Bass sobbed.

"I think you're over reacting " X said trying to calm the blonde robot beside him.

"Over reacting ..? I'll never see him again..!!"

"Aww sure you will.....in a day or so..."

"WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

// yeesh... does he act like this every time he takes a dump...? //

Bass....come on !!" X had to shout over the high pitched whining.

//oh I can't believe this...//

"Alright, alright...! Uunnn Mary had a little lamb...little ......"

  
  
  
  


****************************************************************************

  
  
  
  


"Ok, ok...ha ha ha , Rock, truth or dare ..?" Roll laughed leaning back against the couch.

"Hmmmm? ...Dare!!" Rock cried.

OK, Let's see..." Roll gave a wicked grin. "Alright Rock I dare you to.." She leaned close whispering something into her brothers ear.

Rocks eyes went wide, and his jaw hung open, he turned to look his sister in the eye, before a big grin hit his face

" You're on !" He laughed. Jumping up he ran out the door.

Iris, and Alia watched his go.

"Um...where is he off to?" Iris asked. Roll smirked sitting back down by the sofa.

"To find Douglas.."

"I don't even want to guess the workings of your dirty little mind " Blues announced as he came back to the room and sat down.

"How's Bass?" Iris asked.

"He'll be fine..."Blues assured them.

"Does this sort of thing happen often..?" Alia said.

" More or less...you should see him when he takes a dump...." Blues stretched out on the large sofa.

"Oh.." Alia, nodded her cheeks flushing red.

"Amazing .....He talks to the turds too!.." Zero whispered . "OW!!"

"Zero !!.." Iris wacked him on the head..

Ahem...so unnn Blues ......you and Bass are ....um.... an item? " Alia asked.

"An item..?" The boy asked cocking his brow at them.

"Well....you know.." Iris winked. "A pair, mates....er....two peas in a pod...?"

"Are we discussing socks , my love life or various veggies...?" Blues asked, yawning and folding his arms across his chest.

"Unn...well your...um... love life.." Iris smiled leaning forward in her seat.

"I see...." Blues replied cooly, fixing them with a hard stare.

"Um...yes...heh.." Iris laughed nervously.

"So what's he like?" Alia attempted.

Blues shrugged. "What can I say.....He's the only person I know who can have a meaningful conversation with my boxer shorts.."

"Or what's inside them..." Zero cut in "OW !!" The crimson reploid yelped. Rubbing his head , he positioned himself out of Iris's striking distance

"Ummm...ok.." Alia blinked "Un.... But wasn't he created by Wily...?". 

"Yes." Blues nodded.

"......................weren't...weren't you created by Light and Wily....?"

"Yes"

"Ah.....then technically....aren't you related ...?"

"Technically...I suppose." Blues agreed.

"So your brothers then..?" Iris confirmed.

"Yes.."

"Oh my God, !!" Zero jumped up, "That means You're my brother too!! Arrghhhh!! Dude you're shagging our brother.... ewww..argghhh!!!! "

Blues blinked "What happened to NO GENDER ..?"

"No gender is fine...b...but...YOUR RELATED....!!!

"By what !!" The same gear shift ? 

"Oh, let's not go there" Zero blushed

"Hello !!We're robots. We are made of nuts and bolts, which I might add you seem to be missing a few."

"Hey!" Zero stood up to his full height, glaring down at the smaller boy as he spoke. "I may be many things but I'd know if I were missing anything of importance." Patting his jeans he snorted. "My nuts are safe right here thank you very much."

Blues stared at him. "..............................you're right Zero, ........................it's obviously the bolts your missing, ................quite a few of..them I'd say."

"Good ." Zero took his seat again. "So what are you gonna do about this problem with you and Bass..?"

"Nothing . There is no problem between us....only you......OH .and I'm sorry to say you're not in any of my sexual fantasies either." Blues snickered.

Zero huffed "You've been talking with X.....don't you care...?"

"About what...?"

"You're gonna bring disgrace upon our family...!!!"

Blues blinked at the crimson robot..."Ahh.... sorry Zero....I just don't think I can compete with you on that..."

  
  
  
  


There was an awkward silence as everyone in the room waited to see what was going to happen.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Silence

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Silence

  
  
  
  


Then........................................

  
  
  
  


"Bass likes to be on top" Roll announced shattering the quiet that had been.

"ROLL !!" Blues shrieked , jumping off the couch to clout his little sister

"How the hell do you know all this ...?"

"Hey....I have my ways .." She laughed racing around the room and down the hall, leaving Alia, Iris and Zero to stare after the pair.

"I would have never guessed X's family was so......interesting?" Iris mumbled.

"Uh....yeah....." Alia nodded.

Zero groaned clunking his head repeatedly on the coffee table. "Oh SCANDAL.!! ...SCANDAL.. INCEST !!!!!!....Sigh........I want some cheese doodles..".

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


To Be Continued ................................................

  
  



	10. Massacre of the Toy Kind

Help I'm a Fish --part 10

  
  


X groaned as he finally managed to shut the door, to his room. Convincing Bass to get some sleep had been harder than it would appear.

// I can't believe I just sang that bloody song 18 times...// X snarled. Grinding his teeth together.

Even then it had taken some gentle persuasion in the form of his X blaster to the blonde boy's skull to shut Bass up for awhile.

//All in all I should have tried that first...// 

X sighed. He made his way into the kitchen, and poured himself a shot of scotch, 

//unng The demon child is still playing that stupid game !! // 

He growled as Roll's voice carried in from the room. Setting the glass down, he took the bottle and brought it to his lips.

**************************************************************************

"X, there you are !" Alia smiled as he returned to the room. She patted a seat beside her shifting so he could sit down comfortably. X smiled partly collapsing into the space.

"Ok are we ready to play again...?" Iris asked, shoving Zero away from the now badly dented coffee table.

"Yes!~!" Blues announced "Yes we are. !! He shoved his little sister into the sofa and promptly sat on her. "We're ready."

"Good..um..ok...Blues truth or...

As the game continued, Alia couldn't help but glance back at X from time to time, before finally nudging him.

"X, you seem to be in high spirits all of a sudden.?" she whispered. "Did you have a change of heart...? Or.." she sniffed, catching the scent of liquor on his breath. "Perhaps a little magic in a bottle.?"

X, blinked, turning large lipid pools of chocolate towards the relative direction he assumed her head was. He gave a goofy grin swaying slightly. "Let's just call it pleasantly pissed" he leaned back to enjoy his freedom for as long as he could. Though he new it wouldn't be long enough.

He could already feel the buzz starting to fade as he was drifting off.

*****************************************************************************

// I got a lovely bunch of coconuts....there they are all standing in the lane...

Big ones........small ones.......some as big as your head give 'em a pinch, a twist of the wrist...

I got a lovely bunch of coconuts......I got a lovely bunch of coconuts.........................//

"X..?"

"Hmmm"

"X..."

"Huh...?" X groaned, cracking open an eye.

"X..?"

"Alia...?" his voice sounded ruff. He looked up to see her smiling down at him.

"Come on X,....." the female reploid beamed.

"Why...?" he asked watching in amazement as she ripped her sweater off.

"Don't you wanna jiggle my jugs !!!"

"WHAT !!!!!" X snapped upright on the couch. He gawked at the others. They had different looks of bewilderment on there faces from his sudden outburst.

"X, you're awake...come and play with us" Iris smiled.

"Huh..?"....I...." he turned to Alia, sitting next to him, sweater still intact. 

// I was dreaming...........................damn....//

Alia giggled at the look on X's face. "Oh poor X did you have a bad dream..?"

X glanced at her chest, "No..."

"Well tell me about it.." she smiled cuddling closer.

X forced gazed away from her cleavage. "Wha me I...mean...I was........caroling..."

"OH , what were you singing..?"

"Umm...you know just normal Christmas songs, I was playing jingle jugs....I mean jingle boobs!!" X shook his head "I mean..jingle balls..." he whimpered covering his face.

"Well those are certainly new versions of the old favorites !" Blues snorted.

X groaned "I had a bad dream" he shrugged. His cheeks almost as red as the holly.

"Well dreams aside X it's your turn." Roll said "Truth or..." 

"Unnnggg" Brady groaned from the dining room floor. 

"Hey, look Cain's little angel Brandy, is waking up" Zero snickered.

"Zero, I think her name's Brady"

"whatever.."

"Alright X, truth or dare..?" Zero grinned.

"Truth Zero..."

"Ok, Do you ever have sexual fantasies about me..?" the blonde hunter asked urgently.

X sighed "No Zero.."

"LIAR !! Admit it you love me !!! Everybody loves the Zmister!!

Brady groaned, picking herself up off the floor "umm" 

"Hey Brady, how's it going..?" Alia smiled.

"Unnn"

"You wanna join us...?"

"NO thanks....I gotta piss like a race horse..." she staggered past the group, already beginning to unzip her fly, and giving a belch of acknowledgment.. X watched her go his jaw hanging open.

"Charming isn't she..?" Zero muttered

Brady fell ungracefully out of the john door, banging into another located across from it.

"Well whash this.." she made a grab for the handle, managing to open it on the third try.

Blinking a few times she smiled at the figure in the room.

"Aww so cuuuute.."she laughed. "Awww, X you gotta see this."

"What is it?"X huffed, coming to see what the problem was. 

"The insane guys playing with your tooooyyyys.." she shrilled.

"My toy's..?" X dashed the remaining steps to his room.

"Wha...ARRAGGHHH Bass STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!"

Blues jumped up from the sofa "What is it ..?"

"He's slaughtering my beanie babies !!!!" X screamed. Grabbing up the disemboweled arms and legs of various multicolored creatures.

"Mmmm crunchy..!!" Bass exclaimed. Chomping the head off a small purple bear.

"Nooooo!!! " X cried grabbing the remains of the little purple body. " Sob Periwinkle........

ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

"Whoa.. That's nasty.." Alia gaped from the door way with the others.

"Now what..?" Roll asked. 

"The beans must be avenged !!" Zero cried.

"You had to ask.." Blues sighed.

  
  


To Be Continued......................................

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Things you Never wanted to Know !

Help I'm a Fish !! Part 11

  
  
  
  


After the unfortunate incident (and untimely death) involving X's beanie babies.

The group had wisely decided it would be best for Bass to join in the festivities, were they could keep an eye on him.

X glared at the blonde as he took a seat next to Blues.

"Come on X let it go.." Alia whispered, rubbing the strained shoulders of her friend.

X snorted. "He killed Winky !!!"

Thankfully Rock, interrupted the lament of X's lost Winky, as he walked through the door.

"Where were you..? X asked.

"I was in a place that I'm not at anymore..." Rock grinned sitting down next to Roll.

The two twins gave each other a high five and smirked up at their big brother.

// I don't trust those little midgets.. Their planning something..//

"Alright it's Rocks turn" Roll announced.

"Ok" The ebony haired boy smiled "Um.... Zero, truth or dare..?

"Truth.."

" what's the most unique thing about you..?"

"Hmmm" the large blonde tilted his head in thought.

"Oh boy this might take awhile.." X moaned.

"Ok. while we're waiting ." Iris beamed "my turn Bass, truth or dare..?"

"Truth!" 

"What's the strangest place you've ever made love...?" the female reploid squealed, throughly enjoying herself.

The crazed blonde didn't seem put out by her, enthusiasm, and pursed his lips "Hmmm I don't know. I mean I've screwed in some pretty weird spots. Let's see, the subway, on a merry-go-round. a car wash, In an Ice-cream truck, Wily's bedroom. (Heh heh) , while playing a game of twister....hmmm. OH wait...It would have to be that time in Dr. Light's lab. !!"

Roll gaped at him "You has sex in Dad's Lab..?"

"HA ha ha !!" Bass threw his head back "Damn straight !! I banged Blues right on top of X's capsule....rather erotic actually..................................................what..?"

  
  


The room was completely silent. As everyone turned to X trying to judge what the blue bot's reaction was going to be to this ..er...interesting piece of news.

X blinked rapidly, 

// I did not need that mental picture in my head I did not....arrghghhhhh!!//

"Thank you Bass... I will be in therapy the rest of my life..." he whimpered rubbing a hand through his hair. 

// It can't get worst...it can't get worst....it can't..//

The silence returned once again, the others unsure of what to say.

........................................

...........

......................

................................................................................

.....................................

"I have three testicles.." Zero blurted out suddenly.

Several sets of eyes turned to the crimson hunter.

"Excuse me..?" Alia choked. The others wore similar masks of shock on their faces.

"You asked for the most unique thing about me.." Zero continued. "I have three testicles see look"he lifted his shirt, showing three prominent bulges in his jeans.

"Zero !!" Iris shrieked.

"What I do....great big...red ones !!"

"And who designed you...?." Blues raised an eyebrow.

"Oh my God !!" Alia yelped.

X groaned letting his body slid off the couch an down to the floor with a soft thump.

// I know what happened to my pomagranits //

*********************************************************************

After, Bass and Zero's provocative show and tell all. The gang decided to split up and go about their own business for a bit.

Alia, and Iris headed back to their room, dragging Brady with them. Mean while Blues decided to have a more in depth look at the working of the base, and Rock and Roll dashed off to cause more trouble on X's behalf. Leaving X, alone to wrap his gifts with the pleasant company of Zero, and Bass..

To Be Continued...................................


	12. The Name Game

Help I'm a Fish!! - part 12

"HA ha.. Bass !!" Zero snapped, as he shoved another of the gifts into a box.

"But Zerooooo, I thought Robot's didn't have any gender huh..? What..? You jealous...got no...Balls..? HA ah ha !! Here Ha ha ha ha have a pomegranate !!! " the ebony bot wheezed rolling around on the floor. "No NO !! HAH AH HAVE THREE !!!! ha ha ha hah aha hhaha !!

X sat off a little ways silently laughing to himself. For all the trouble they caused, the two insane blonde robots were a riot quarreling with each other.

"Aww what you think your missing out of a real guy's fun..? ...If a guy is what your meant to be..?" Bass sniggered.

X smirked, he heard opportunity knocking, this was a perfect chance to get Zero riled and he wasn't gonna miss a chance to have a little holiday fun.

"Come to think of it , what are you Zero?" X turned to his friend, as he finished wrapping a large gift. "I mean you sound like a guy...but you look like a girl...it's kinda freaky.." X said, barely managing to keep a straight face.

"Oh man, Wily musta been wasted when he made you. Your like some kinda girl/guy combo" Bass laughed.

Zero growled "I'm not....I am a man"

"You can't tell me Wily was thinking "guy" when he put all that hair on you" Bass snorted, pointing towards the golden tail, that hung behind Zeros head.(minus the chunk stuck in the dishwasher)

"Come to think of it Zero you're a lot thinner than us too" X calmly pointed out.

// Oh ya I'm loving this..!!//

"It's his girlie waist, Ha ha looks like Wily got half done making you a guy, then got bored and started your other half as a girl.

Zero's eye became to twitch "arrrggghgghhh!!!"

"Reeeoooowww!!!" Bass teased making clawing motions with his hands "Hey Zero, do you ever get pms 

"I am not a girl !!!!!"

"OH man Wily's one sick bastard. I wonder what your main function was going to be. Maybe he wanted you half and half more fun that way!!!! 

"Arrrggggghhhh!!!! I am not a girl, I am not a girl and stop making fun of my hair. Your one to talk with those stupid purple stripes down your face. What were you Wily's fucking doodling pad !!!

"How Dare you !!!! Bass seethed.

"The way I see it. Your either really bad at putting on your eyeshadow, or you trying to say I'm a whore to the world.

"You...you !!!

"Can we all say gigolo, come on let me here you say it" Zero snapped.

Bass glared "aggrhh...dumb Blonde!"

"Dumb Blonde .....hello your Blonde too!!!" Zero exclaimed. "Besides, girl, guy...what's the difference?"

"Well if you can't tell..you should get some help" X laughed.

"If he can't tell!..Just look at him....whatever he is. " Bass grinned." He probably wakes up in the morning and wonders which gender he's gonna be for the day."

"Okay that does it!!!" Zero took a step towards, his foe.

"And the name, Zero...ha ha ha ....personally, I think it suits you....Zero personality, Zero talent."

X nodded joining in

"Zero humor, Zero taste, Zero....um" he stopped when he saw, the dearth glare from his friend. "Heh heh..ah..it was just a little joke Zero...um a play on words...right?"

"A play on words huh?" Zero raised his buster "How about X marks the spot !!!..X-terminated or maybe X-icuted!!!"

X gulped and remained silent. Zero turned to Bass. "And you, your one to talk, named after a fish, eh Bass!"

"Grrr, that's Bass!"

"Uh huh sure" Zero gave a bored look.

"They should make on of those singing fish wall mounts of you!" X cried. "You know you push a button and you'd flop around and sing."

Bass, ground his teeth. 

"Ha ha.take me to the river" X jumped around, singing poorly " put me in the water" 

Zero watched his friend shaking his head, "Dumb , ugly ......and tone deaf..."

"Argghhhh..!!!!" Bass took a running leap, plowing X over." Nobody insults me...Nobody"

"Ow...OW...Zero..Help...get your crazy Brother off of me..!!" X said.

"X, have your heard the news?" Zero questioned.

"No" X replied.

"What news?" Bass asked.

"Get off..!" X grumbled pushing Bass off him.

Zero pretended to listen to his communicator. " This just in. A startling report has just been confirmed ...."

"Really" X asked

"Yes"

"Well what is it?" Bass snapped.

"Bass is not a bass after all..." Zero stated.

"Ha!" Bass laughed "I told you I wasn't a fish!"

Zero smirked " He's a Tuna!"

"HA Ha ha ha ha hah!!" X fell back to the floor laughing.

"Shut up !" Bass cried slapping the blue robot in the head. He turned to Zero who like wise was in fits on the Floor "Grrr this your fault.... die you cross dressing girly bot!!!!" 

Zero dodged the clumsy attack easily, turning to face the black bot again.

"Bass are you the musical type?"

"No!!!"

"Figures... you can tune a piano, but you can't Tuna fish ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!"

"I AM NOT A FISH!!!!!" Bass screamed pounding the wall with both fists.

Zero walked up beside him. "Maybe you're a sea mammal " he said calmly. "You know like a porpoise or dolphin...or something. I mean you got the dorsal fins on your head ha ha ha ha ha!"

Zero turned laughing, as Bass took off in pursuit after him.

"They call him Flipper, Flipper faster than lighting.. always delighting his friends of the sea!!"

"You will die...a very painful death when I catch you...arrgghh I'll strangle you with your own damn pony tail.!!!!!"

"I got it! You're a manatee!! " X shouted.

"What!" Bass screeched to a halt, turning to face the nutty little blue bot.

"You know....a sea cow" X explained.

Bass gave him a disgusted look " You are a bizarre little man" 

"No really sea cows are.."

"I am not a sea cow !! Bass snarled.

"More like a walrus!!" Zero interrupted, slapping his arms together "ark ark.."

"AAARRGHHHH!!! I am not a relation to any sea creature you can think of. No whales, no dolphins and especially no damn fish!!!!............ok?"

Zero and X were silent. Then X glared hard a Bass, before a sparkle came to his eyes.

"I got it!!" he cried. Zero and Bass watched as X began to hope on one foot. He grabbed his legging and yanked it off, then pulled off his sock and shoved on to Bass's nose. "Look Zero, there not fins, there ears. Bass is an elephant !!

"It's Dumbo!!" Zero whooped.

"Aaarghhh that does it !!" Bass shouted " I'm leaving, (sob) I can only take so much abuse." With that the black bot warped out in a purple flash.

X watched him vanish. "Was it something I said ?"

"I don't know?" Zero shrugged.

"Oh well" X sighed "He'll get over it"

"I don't know about that " 

"Why?"

Zero turned to his friend, a smile on his face " Come on X, an elephant never forgets "

"HA HA HA HA"

They both continued to wrap their gifts.

To be continued........


	13. The Celery Stalks at Midnight

Help I'm a Fish !! Part 13

The Celery Stalks at Midnight.

" Time to hit the hay, " X announced, later in the evening, as the group was getting ready for bed. "Un... Bass you need a pair of PJ's ?" he asked the blonde bot, standing in the hall way.

" Na.. I sleep in the nude." the red eyed boy grinned , walking passed him.

"EEEPP !!" X gulped, trying to rid his mind of the horrific images it was suddenly being plagued with.

Blues walked up behind him, heading for Rock and Roll's room. "I'd be careful going to the bathroom," he grinned. ".... he sleep walks."

X was left alone in the hall, vainly fighting the deluge of horribly images his mind presented him.

"And that's when he took out his flame thrower, and announced in a jolly voice, "Merry Christmas to all.....now you're all gonna die !! " Blues cried flinging his arms wildly.

Rock and Roll, sat huddled together shaking in each others arms. Watching as their brother finished his rendition of the night Santa went crazy.

"Ok, now you two have a good night sleep..." Blues smiled, "And remember, no getting out of bed to peek for Santa cause you know what will happen if he catches you...?"

Rock and Roll looked at each other, then Blues.

"N...no.." Rock stammered.

"HE'LL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!!!" mwahhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Blues screamed, twisting suddenly and jumping up onto the bed between his two siblings.

"AAARGGGHHHH !!!" the two small bot's cried, ducking under the blankets, whimpering.

Blues smirked as he tuned of the lights. "Sweet dreams."

Good night Forte" Blues whispered snuggling under the blankets, next the his companion, and turning off the light.

"Aww love you Pooh bear" Bass crooned.

"Hmmm...love you too" Blues replied nuzzling under his collar.

"Love you too what?"

"Huh?" blues asked

"Don't you have a pet name for me?" Bass asked , sounding hurt.

"No"

"Oh...you gotta have one, come on think of one...come on come on"

"Um...fangs?"

"No Blues,...it has to be cute!" Bass snapped folding his arms at the indignantly.

"Um......Fluffy?"

"Blues attempt" he sighed.

"um...Mr. Hankey?'

"NO !...you are not naming me after a singing piece of shit!!"

"Hey you named me after a mentally challenged bear!!"

"Come on Blues, just think of something that comes to mind when you think of me"

"hmmm...thong"

"No"

"Doodles"

"No"

".........Jigglypuff"

"NO!!..............?.........you actually think of Jigglypuff when you think of me?!!!"

"When your singing in the shower yes" Blues laughed as Bass gave an unamused glare. ":Your singing seems to have the same effect too"

"really?"

"Put's me right into a coma" Blues laughed.

"This scares me...." Bass sighed.

"Well do you think of a demented bear when you think of me?"

"NO!! I think of someone warm to hold, of soft and tender embraces from someone who loves me" Bass replied dreamily.

"Oh gag me with mush!"

"Blues!" Bass folded his arms and pouted.

"OK......how about muffin?"

"No"

"Cupcake?"

"Un uh"

"Peach"

"Yuk"

"Pudding"

"Blues I'm not edible !!!"

"Says you" Blues crackled.

"..........................."

"Eggplant"

"Excuse me?"

"Eggplant. You know they are kinda cute in a certain light."

"No Blues.. just..................just no"

"I wonder if eggplant's know their going to get eaten?"

"Blues..try and stay with me here"

" I know how about fishy wishy!'

"Ok..that does it I can handle only so much' Bass jumped out of the bed. "Where is my stress ball!!?...I need, I need !!!!...fishy wishy....ughh" (shudder) .

"Where are you going..?" Blues chuckled.

"I'm sleeping on the couch." Bass muttered, walking out into the living room, and plopping down in a huff. "Hmph...fishy wishy...."

Bass groaned shifting on the couch.

I'm bored.....he sighed, glancing around the room for something to catch his eye.

"Hmm" the blonde bot got up walking over the hallway

Click

Click

Click

Click

"Heh heh heh ...light goes on light goes off. light goes on light goes off. light goes on light goes .......

BASS !!" X screamed, coming out from his room " cut that out , you delinquent monkey ! " he batted Bass's hand away from the light switch. "Go to sleep..."

"I can't.." Bass whined.

"Then find someway to amuse yourself ....quietly.........................and safely.." he grumbled shutting the door to his room again.

"Hmmm" Bass made his way into the kitchen. A smile spreading to his face as he grabbed some items from the counter. amusement ahoy

Flush

Flush

Flush

"Die... arrghgh no ..."Bass giggled to himself as he flushed marshmallows down the toilet.

"Save me !!!" he cried in a high voice, and he dropped a large pink marshmallow into the water, and watched it get all gooey.

"Never fear, I will save you!" he hissed

Plunk

A large slab of fruit cake slashed unceremoniously into the basin. Bass began to make car sounds as he started to steer the fruit cake like a hydrofoil.

"Look out Turds ahead! Hard starboard captain!" He flung the cake against the seat.

Mayday, Mayday, damage report..."

Oh she's going down...!!" Bass laughed as he flushed the toilet.

"Arrghgh whirlpool, we're done for.....arggghh.............ah..?" Bass watched as the cake almost disappeared from view, only to become jammed in the bottom of the pipe.

"Uh no...she's gonna blow !!" Bass yelped running into the living room and covering his ears .after a moment he listened....nothing.

"Ah well all's well that ends well I guess." He went into the kitchen, to make himself a snack, perfectly oblivious to the bathroom, and the puddle leaking from it as the water began to spill out over the bowl.

Bass peered carefully into the fridge. "Ooooo..." he said grabbing a large cabbage from the shelf. "Hello...?" he stared lovingly at the mound of pale green. "I will name you Cabbie, and you will be mine. And you will be my Cabbie.....good Cabbie..." he smiled patting it softly.

"!" Looking down he grabbed another veggie and then shut the fridge door. Turning from one veggie to the other. "Ok guys, lets go say hello to Blues !!" he smirked.

"Blues......"

Mmmmm" Blues groaned rolling onto his side.

"Bluesssss....."

"Who is it.." he mumbled.

"This is your conscience.....open your eyes...we need to talk.."

"Unnn...wha.." Bleus, cracked open an eye, looking down at the foot of his bed, to see

A stick of Celery...?

Blues blinked as he watched the stalk sway in front of him. " ohhh God...." Blues groaned covering his eyes... "I'm having that weird talking vegetable dream again..........what was I smoking..?."

"Wake up Blues...."

Blues sat up, "I am awake......uh...I am awake..?" he turned to the foot of his bed. "Arrgghghghgghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There's talking veggies in my room. My conscience is a celery!!! (that might explain a few things..) Help!..help...hel............wait...." Blues snapped as if a thought had suddenly occurred to him.

Leaning over the bed, he watched Bass for a moment, before he grabbed the stalk and chomped it in half.

"Arrghhh !! Blues you killed Herman !!!" Bass jumped up from the floor. "What do you have to say for yourself..?"

Blues, belched leaning back, "Herman was pretty tasty." he grinned.

"Unngg" Bass gasped. "Of all the unspeakable....you .....you...."

"Who's your other buddy..?" Blues asked pointing to the cabbage Bass had clutched in his other hand.

"Stay back, you may have gotten Herman , but Cabbie, is not to be harmed.

"Oh come on Forte, geez, get into bed, you're gonna be exhausted tomorrow ..."

"I can't trust you Blues.....you might eat my friend..!!" he hugged the cabbage to his chest, pouting.

"All right I'm sorry I killed Henry.." Blues shrugged

Herman !!" Bass cried.

Fine whatever, Herman," Blues sighed.

"He was a good celery....never hurt no one...and you ate him.."

"I'm sorry I ate him ok......he started it.." Blues snapped.

"Oh that is just low...blaming your crime on the victim....really.."Bass hissed

Blues blinked " why am I having this conversation with you. It's 2:00 in the morning I'm going to bed Forte....goodnight.."

Bass huffed folding his arms across his chest, "Sleep well if you can !" he hissed.

"Forte.." Blues whimpered "Go to sleep."

Bass climbed in beside him, making sure Cabbie was safe on the edge. He lied down coving himself with the blankets.

"Good night Forte.." Blues said.

Bass was quiet for a bit before turning to glare at Blues

What?"

"Just remember Blues...good food never dies........it just goes bad.... sweet dreams" With that he turned back and fell asleep in an instant.

Meanwhile , Blues was kept awake long into the night worrying about the workings of a vengeful veggie mind.

the Celery Stalks at midnight....he gulped..

To be continued..............................


End file.
